Revisiting Versions of Yourself

There are places we will go and people we will meet for the first time. Maybe we've already gone there or met them. Then comes the choice, the metaphorical fork in the road. Will you ever go there again or was the moment over before you realized? Did you unknowingly say hello to someone who will be with you until your last breath or goodbye without realizing that you wouldn't see them again?

There are places we go back to often or more than you expected; this can be your familial home, an old park bench you found on your first walk near your apartment, or even a gas station you went to in a different city years ago. These places hold versions of us that we may have forgotten about, been trying to revive, or simply let go of. Sometimes we never get the chance to revisit these places because they have been closed or changed. Now the difference between reminiscing and being stuck in a time that is already gone is crucial here, because the former is done with a sense of fondness and the latter acts like quicksand - trapping and swallowing you whole. Some may ask - "What do you do when you are stuck in the past?" And the answer is not as simple as I would hope, mostly because I don't think I have an answer that would work for everyone. We have to understand that in this moment and time we are made up of every experience we have ever had, whether or not we remember them. While moving forward and change is a rule of the universe, the past holds the key to how we move along. The how involves what influences the decisions we make and where these decisions will lead us. All I'm trying to say is that we decide when we wiggle out from the past and when we can look back, ultimately the goal is to be able to take a glance and then step out of the trance of the past and move forward. 

People and places hold onto memories like our lungs hold air. For a short period of time it is comfortable, until it isn't. Now the respiratory nerds will say "There's a residual capacity in the lungs" and that is correct, there is a baseline of memories we must hold onto to be able to function. Even more importantly we must remember that we have to let go of old memories to bring in new ones; today is the first time in a long time that I have let go of the breath that I have been holding onto for the last six months - hopefully creating some room for a breath of fresh air. A lot has happened in the last six months, some I will write about and some I will keep off of the internet, and today finally feels like I have exhaled. Looking back, the person I was six months ago was a completely different version of who I am today. A part of that person will stay with me for the rest of my life, and there will be times where I revisit her more than I probably should. I'd like to think that today I am also letting go of a bit of her so that I can breathe easier today and move forward. I am thankful to have experienced that version of her, and the people and places that forged her, but I'm starting to realize that I said goodbye to her the moment I said the words "We're so different". That's a story for a different time, if it comes.

Cheers :)