Three Years.

 March 27, 2023.

That was three years ago. Only a month left of undergrad. Scared, excited, and hopeful. 

This was a day where I was starting my first "real" job. Completely different from what I thought I would be doing 3 years prior. I had my outfit picked out from the night before, nerves were filling my body from head to toe, and the shoes I was wearing we finally broken into. I remember walking in feeling like everyone could tell that I didn't belong and barely knew what I was doing. Luckily, I sort of did and no one knew better so it ended up working out for me. I remember leaving my first day feeling excited about the possibilities, not just for myself but for the team. It felt like I was on the cusp of something profound and impactful, not to say that I wasn't but maybe it was a bit of a reach to think of it with that lense. I will say that at the time I had drank the Kool-Aid and put on the rose tinted glasses, both of which wore off within 3 weeks thankfully. Not to say that I am jaded and passive now, but over the last three years I have become more reflective than reactive. I can buy into a big idea but I also find myself thinking about the next steps and what work I have to do to make this vision realized. While I enjoy big picture conversations, I tend to get more annoyed when there are no real next steps discussed because we all know that without anything tangible we are simply wasting our breath.

Today would've been the 3 year anniversary, if I had stuck around. I am thankful it is not. There are a lot of things that I am grateful for from that first job; many learnings, failures, and friendships that have still lasted. I wouldn't be who I am today without that job. That job gave me the motivation to go back to school for my masters and be able to find something that I actually enjoy. For that, I will always be indebted.

If I were to recap all my learnings from the last 3 years they would be as follows:

1. Have a life outside of your job/career. This doesn't mean you can't work extra hours or be passionate, these things are needed at times. What I mean by this is that you should know when to step back and close the thoughts about work, there's more to life than your job and the day it defines you will be a sad day.
2. Stand up for yourself, but be smart about it. There are times when you have to stiffen your spine and say what needs to be said. There are other times when it might be better to cool down, think a couple steps ahead, and then make your move. Life isn't a race, it's a game of chess - each move you make can impact your standing 10 moves down. We can't predict what other people will do but we can prepare ourselves.
3. People love talking about themselves, and let them. You'll learn a lot more about someone from how they speak, what they say, and more importantly what they don't say. 
4. We all grieve differently, there isn't a right way to do it and it's a learning process.
5. De-center romance. Society pushes the narrative of love and relationships a bit too much, while they are nice to haves - you can't force it. You can fight for your education and work, but love should feel natural. If you are fighting with yourself to be with someone, it might be worth to reconsider the person and/or your values and beliefs.
6. The definition of success is not universal. This was a hard one for me, but once you define your metrics for a successful life, life itself becomes a bit softer. You know what you are fighting for and as long as that matters to you, it is worth it.